…but it’s dirty!

Ahhhhh, I have been tagged by the tag meme. Thanks Prof - it looks innocent enough at first but can all too quickly lead an inexperienced innocent down a path best less travelled. I shall endeavour to tread carefully and keep to one Rule - avoid any words likely to be found in both Grey’s Anatomy & The Gimp’s Handbook. After all, I don’t want you to lose your respect for me, do I?

Five Things You Never Knew About Me, Head Burro The Great!
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1) I am, in fact, a Burro. I was made a Burro in 1921 by Royal Decree and there is bugger (opps - broke the Rule) all you can do about it. If you try, I shall smite thee with my Mighty Hooves of Vengeance. So watch it.

2) In 1867 invented the forward curve in the smallest hoop of paperclips. This made me incredibly wealthy but I lost the lot in the Great 1976 Rubber (damn - again!) Crash. I have no idea why they call it Great as, frankly, it was a bloody awful experience - a bit like the time when I tried to listen to a whole Katie Melua song. I say song. I mean aural mogadon in the guise of a song. I had to sick up my own womb to stay awake.

3) Speaking of wombs, I gave birth to Simon Cowell. I’m sorry. All I can say is that there was a lot of sambuca involved along with some scientists who had managed to bring a bitter garden gnome to life. He smelt like used engine oil mixed with the squeezings of a smug satsuma.

4) Once, under the cover of the duvet, I ate a whole tube of Pringles to myself and felt so dirty I cried tears that stung for a week.

5) When Mothra left Tokyo for a well deserved holiday, he came over to Bradford as someone had lied to him and told him it was “a really nice place”. I was enlisted by the Mayor of Bradford at the time to make sure he didn’t get too leery. The ensuing fight is the reason that East Lancs and West Yorks are still referred to as shitholes by all right thinking people. In my defence, I was under orders from Bradford Council so blame them, I say.

That’s it. Five glorious truths you never knew about me, your Burroy Spritiual Leader. Now, whilst I move amongst my followers and pass out some refreshing Kool-Aid, I think I’ll tag the following five peeps:

• The Soupstress in a Short Skirt - Tagged!
• He of the Recycling Toilets. Probably - Tagged!
• She of the Mildewy Wii - Tagged!
• The Hedge Wizard of Old Dorsetshiresvilleburghland - Tagged!
• She with the Well-Sprouted Beans - Tagged!

Oh yes. I tag and you are all it. Now run and tag five others! Soon we shall bring this evil interwebnetthing to its stinking knees!